That's Hot: Paris Hilton Goes Friend Shopping

August 25, 2008

The egregious and overexposed Beverly Hills socialite whom everyone loves to hate, Paris Hilton, is coming to Britain to find her new best friend.

Lest anyone get too excited, it's all part of a new television series for broadcaster ITV (other-otc: ITVPF - news - people ), called "Best Friends Forever," in which young star-struck wannabes duke it out for the dubious privilege of being Paris' official (in TV-land, at least) "best friend." Candidates must be between 18 and 28, and Paris has asked that they be both "hot" and "not a backstabber." So who would make a good British match for Ms. Hilton?

An obvious choice would be singer Amy Winehouse, who shares many traits with Paris Hilton, except she does at least have a good voice. The 24-year-old Winehouse has become more famous for her lifestyle than for her tunes, with tales of booze-soaked and drug-fueled excess generating tons of column inches in gossipy British tabloids. Her story was even turned into a sculpture by artist Guy Portelli earlier this year: his bronze piece, entitled "Excess," depicts a nude Winehouse lying on a broken champagne bottle with a pool of liquid below her.

Among the more privileged potential candidates, Hilton could do worse than pick 19-year-old socialite Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof. The exotically-named daughter of Live Aid figurehead Bob Geldof, Peaches is most famous for being, well, the daughter of Live Aid figurehead Bob Geldof. Her wealthy parental cushion and dilettantist approach to everything from fashion to music would make her an ideal friend for Paris, who has herself struggled to be recognized for any achievement other than her sex tape.

A more realistic possibility might be D-list British celebrity Chantelle Houghton, whose rather unconvincing attempts to model herself on Paris Hilton have led to her being nicknamed "Paris Travelodge." Houghton's "fame" is so self-referential and televisual that it would probably have French philosopher Jean Baudrillard, who was obsessed with the alternate reality created by television, spinning in his grave; she was introduced to reality TV show Big Brother as a decoy celebrity, pretended to be a celebrity, and then finally became one--purely by virtue of her appearance as a fake celebrity on the show.

In any case, Paris Hilton will be able to choose herself when filming starts in late October. Willing applicants will have to hurry up if they want to be in with a chance--the deadline for entries is September 1.